In this podcast, I discuss the impact your peer group has on your ability to start or continue with a body transformation program. This is a powerfully raw podcast.

If you have not been successful with losing weight, you need to take a good hard look at the people around you.

Subscribe if you like what I have to say.

If you enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review for me over at iTunes! It seriously motivates me to keep helping people (and I read all of my reviews!)


TRANSCRIPT

Brad Newton:

Hi everybody and welcome back to the Brad Newton Show. It is episode 21 on the Brad Newton show with Brad himself. It is the 16th of April, 2017. It is 11:40 PM and I thought I’d do something a little different this time. I want to talk about the ultimate detox programme, your peer group. I’m going to be talking about peer group influences and your desire to lose weight or lose fat and build a body of your dreams. I’m going to give you a number of examples. You’ll find that this audio, and I’m actually doing something different this time. I’m doing a video podcast as well as pushing this through iTunes, Stitcher and Tune-in as well.

So, this podcast is all about helping people with body transformations and so forth. So if you’re into that, you might want to subscribe and/or check me out and everything else I have to offer. So, this is actually going to be a very harsh but necessary audio/video podcast. Because I had conversations with two different people today, the 16th of April, it’s Easter Saturday, evening as I film this/record this now. Two conversations with two different people for two different aspirations in life. Both affected by the people around them, their peer group. And so I want to talk directly to everybody listening or watching this that needs to not just look at a fucking detox programme or a juicing programme as being the end all and be all of your ultimate body transformation. The ultimate cure.

Because there’s something that’s more sinister that plays and fucks with people more than any programme or personal trainer or anything that you could ever buy in a packet or go to a seminar and watch and experience. Your peer group is going to absolutely determine your success or failure in any body transformation. Absolutely hands down, 100%. I’ll give you an example of two systems. Real examples. One will be about two sisters. The second will be about the aspiring Youtuber. Again, based off a real person. And the third one is going to be based off of real people. The aspiring entrepreneur. So I’ll give you three separate stories in this audio.

As I said, we always look at the programme. It’s like what programme are you on? What juicing cleanse are you on? But let’s have a look at the peer group that you surround yourself with on a day to day basis. Because this happens all the time. All the time. People start to make a change in a weight loss programme and what happens is they’ll start making changes for like a week or two weeks or three weeks and they start seeing results. And then what happens, they go back. They go backwards. They stop seeing the results, they start putting the weight back on. And I’m talking specifically about a body transformation here. And they immediately go, it’s the fucking programme. The program’s fucked. It’s terrible. And then they go to a different diet, they try something else. They go to a different programme, they try something else.

But they haven’t audited the very people they surround themselves with. Your peer group, let’s get this very clear right now, your peer group is anybody that you require validation from or that you validate directly. That you care about their opinion and they care about your opinion. You support them, they support you. Vice-versa. That kind of shit. That’s going to be a peer group. The people that influence you the most. It could be Steven, your brother, it could be your sister, it could be your mother, your father. It could be fucking Bob next door, your neighbour. That could be your peer group. It could be your family. You’re so close to your mother and your father, that’s going to be your peer group.

So their opinions matter a hell of a lot to you and so their decisions will dictate your life, usually. So that is the under current that I’m dealing with here, that I’m talking about when it comes to a body transformation. You need to look at those people that you surround yourself with. If you’re struggling to lose weight and transform your body, it’s probably going to be your peer group that cares so much about your transformation consciously that they will subconsciously try and bring you down. They will try and fuck you up.

And by the way, they love you, you love them. On the outset they’re very supportive. Very supportive. They all say to your face, you know what? You know what Steven, I’m here for you. If you ever need anything, come to me. I’m more than happy to help you. But then on the other side of the coin the subconscious side, deep down, they’re fearful that you’re going to fucking transform your body and they’re going to get left behind. That you’re going to become someone great. That you’re going to strip this fat off, you build some muscle and then you’re going to leave them behind. And they’re going to feel terrible. They’re going to feel insecure and they’re going to start bringing you down by saying things like this. They’re going to say things like this.

“Brad, I think you’re a little bit obsessed. I think you need to calm down a little bit. I think you need to relax and enjoy life and have that wine. You know what, Brad? It’s only one pizza. Brad, what’s wrong with you, you’ve changed? You’re not the same person you were. What’s wrong? Brad, it’s one biscuit, you need to relax.”

So they all say things. They all say things, they don’t even know it themselves because subconsciously they’re trying to bring you fucking down. That’s the reality of it. And I know it sounds really harsh. I get it. It’s harsh. But it’s a dynamic that’s going to influence you and it’s going to stop you. Because in the quest for their validation you will accept their validation and you value their validation more than your value to transform your body.

So you’ll succumb to that influence over your influence to transform your body and you will go back to where you were or you’ll never change in the first place. I say this all the time. I say this all the time. It’s like, the husband wants to transform. He wants to lose weight, but the wife is not interested. She’s like, “What’s wrong with my cooking? Don’t you like what I eat?” And he feels guilty and he continues to eat what she provides, rather than working with the plan that he has and the programme that has been given to him. She continues to cook the way she’s always cooked. And expects that he eats the way that she cooks and everything off the plate. That kind of shit.

Deep down, she doesn’t want him to fucking change. Because if she did, she would be operating very differently to that. There would be a very different dynamic. Now don’t get me wrong. Some peer groups are great and they will support you right through. But many peer groups will not do that. Your parents, your friends and family, whoever that is. Whoever you define your peer group, you need to look at them very closely. THey’re going to influence you dramatically.

I’ll give you the first example. The two sisters. Real people. Spoke to one of them today, actually. That’s why I’m doing this recording now because there’s a real need to get this information out tonight, before I go to bed tonight. It’s almost midnight. And so her sister, so I spoke to one of the sisters this evening, early this evening. She’s talking about how she wants to lose weight. Her sister is a physiotherapist who is lean as hell and trains like two or three hours a day. Trains with her clients. Really lean, really active. The girl that I spoke to tonight wants to get lean. She wants to lose weight. She’s not happy with her physique. She wants to lose weight.

Whenever she goes to her sister and says such and such, this is what I’m doing, her sister’s like, why are you doing that for? Why are you doing that? That’s not how you do it. That’s not how you … Now, get the tone here. You might be thinking well her sister might be right. Her sister might be being protective and serving her and doesn’t want her to get caught up in the bullshit. I get it. However, there’s a tone, there’s a context to this. If you detect the subtlety, it’s that her demeanour, the physiotherapist’s demeanour is condescending and patronising, rather than serving.

Because, if I have a student coming to me, or somebody coming to me, Brad can you help me lose weight? Because I give a fuck about that person and I really genuinely want to help them, I’m like okay great, let’s sit down, let’s figure this shit out. We’re going to get you to the place you need to be.

However if somebody’s deeply threatened by you, ie: the sister that’s lean and is a physiotherapist and is apparently very competitive, doesn’t need more competition in her life, ie: her sister. So she is subconsciously doing what she can to fuck up her desire to lose weight by cutting her off at all corners. Well I want to do this. Why are you doing that? Well, because it’s XYZ. You shouldn’t be doing that. Well what do you think I should do? Well you shouldn’t be doing that.

And so being cut off on all corners is subconsciously her sister’s attempt to stop her by stopping her essentially losing weight so she doesn’t have that, another competitor to deal with, her sister.

So I talked to this girl tonight, early this evening, very seriously about not cutting her sister off completely. I said, I don’t want you to give your sister the middle finger. I really don’t. I want you, I was very direct about this, you need to cut away from your sister temporarily or still have contact with her but never talk about weight loss or body transformation with her while you’re going on this journey. You need to completely separate yourself. If you do not, she’s going to be poisonous to your journey. She’s going to be poisonous and toxic to your desire to lose weight and you will keep falling off the rails. Because you desire her in your life so much that you’d rather have that connexion and bond with her, than not have that connexion and bond and run the risk of affecting that by transforming your body. Because that creates friction. That creates like a tectonic plate shift if you know what I mean.

You have two tectonic plates. The two sisters are rubbing up against each other like this to avoid that friction. So I said you need to avoid conversation with her, period. As in, you need to avoid conversations around body transformations, health and fitness, body … And that kind of shit at least for three to five to six months. At least. Then when you transform your body, because you don’t have that influence, that toxic influence of your sister that subconsciously fucking you up. Then you can go back to the conversation of health, fitness and blah blah blah. Whatever.

The second story is the aspiring Youtuber. It’s not related specifically to health and fitness, but it has everything to do with this dynamic of peer group influence and how peer groups can be completely fucking toxic to your desire to build your dream business. Now the aspiring Youtuber was telling me a story … And by the way, I have a YouTube channel. I’ve got over 200 videos. I’m relatively new to YouTube myself. I just hit the 500 subscriber mark very recently. It’s grown rapidly. I love YouTube. I love sharing knowledge and this is going on YouTube as well. This video podcast. So if you like it, subscribe. But anyway …

So she’s wanted to get on YouTube and we had this conversation last week. I said this is what you do. And I explained that process. Anyway, I spoke to her tonight over the phone. How’s that going for you? Well this is what’s happened. I’ve got a bit of a problem. Tell me. 40 minutes on the phone I spent with this person, this girl. She’s told me everything without the specifics it essentially came down to putting her first video up on YouTube. She put her first video up on YouTube, she goes, I didn’t like it. I took a few attempts at doing the video thing. I put it up online and it wasn’t perfect. I said, it won’t be. It won’t be fucking perfect. My first 50 videos sucked. It took me about 100 videos to get it right and even now it’s not perfect.

So, get that perfection bullshit out of your head, but great you put up your first video. Fantastic. And she goes, no, no, no. This is actually what happened. I put up the video up on YouTube, then I told my mother about it and she was disgraced. I was like, why? She said you’re putting yourself out there. Why are you putting yourself out there? There’s no need to put yourself out there. She’s like, well Mother, this is what I love doing. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. She goes, it looks terrible. It’s appalling. You don’t have a production set up. You haven’t done the editing. It looks disgusting. Not sure if that were the exact words, but it was very much along the same lines. And she goes, well this is the beginning for me.

Anyway, long story short, she goes, you know what Brad, you know what I did? I felt so guilty that I took the video down off YouTube. I was like, Okay. And she goes you know what? I actually went a step further. I deleted it. I was like, Okay. I deleted it off my phone. I was like, okay. You completely deleted the … So you allowed somebody to toxify your passion, your dream? And so she gave me the full thesis on that and I gave her my full thesis on what I think she should do. I said, you need to go and set up your fucking YouTube channel and not tell your parents about it.

Because you don’t want to be 75, 85, 95 years old, be in a fucking nursing home, and seeing all these people that have succeeded on YouTube. YouTube stars, we’re seeing it now, 2017, and go I wish I had not listened to my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my best friend, Brian, Steven. I wish I would have gone, fuck you, I’m going to do it anyway. But I said you know what? I’m not telling you to tell your parents to go F themselves. I’m telling you to have great respect for your parents. Realise that the thesis by which they’re operating is fundamentally flawed. That all the big YouTube stars actually started in their bedroom. Like, I’m in my fucking bedroom now and I’m up to 500 subscribers. And I’m just beginning. This is the very beginning for me.

I said, look at Pewter Pie, look at the biggest YouTubers in the world. They started in their bedrooms. With a microphone, with a little camera. Nothing fancy pants. No fucking editing software. I said maybe you need to give that to your parents, specifically to your mother so she has greater appreciation. And she goes, I actually told her that. And I said, what did she say? Her mother said, well yeah well that makes sense, that actually … yeah. And she started a little bit of reversal. I said, okay great. This is the solution. Aspiring entrepreneur, sorry, aspiring Youtuber. This is the solution. The solution is set up the YouTube channel. Do what you’re passionate about. Do not bring it up with your parents, specifically your mother. Because they’re going to poison you and therefore they’re going to stop you from doing that.

If you’re listening or watching this right now, think of something in your life where your parents, your best friend, your brother or your whoever your fucking peer group is, has done something like that. Because I’m telling you right now, you must absolutely 100% remove that toxin from your life. They’re going to fucking stop you. I’m not saying that you need to give up your family. Like I’m not saying run away from home. I’m not suggesting that you should do that, but I am suggesting that you don’t spend most of your time around those people. I know you can’t choose your family. Like your parents, you can’t choose them. Unfortunately, yeah they’ve given you life but if they’re not going to support you through life, then they’re not worth having around. Like I know it sounds really brutal and I know some people are going to hate me for saying this, but this is the fucking truth.

I’ll give you the next example and then we’ll close it off. And it’s going, I’m going to come back to that piece I just mentioned about parents and being toxifying on their children and their aspirations and their goals and your passions that your parents can be serving. But they can also be very limiting as well. You need to have that fucking conversation with your parents. It’s like this is what I really want to do. Or with your spouse. I really want to lose weight, I really want to try this. You need to be behind me 100%. And all your friends who say you need to eat pizza. You need to relax. You need to calm down.

Because in the competing world, as a fitness model competitor, we get it all the fucking time from people who say, you’re obsessed. You need to calm down. You need to relax. And you know what? They’re deeply insecure. You can’t be around those people. You just can’t be all the time. They’re toxifying. THey’re going to stop you. I’ll give you the third example and then we’ll close it off.

The aspiring entrepreneur. I know this person very well. Very well. Because this is somebody who is very passionate, very driven, and loves to help people. He really does. And it was interesting because you know he has a father that doesn’t feel the same way. For his entire life his dad hasn’t been very supportive of any aspiration of his. I mean, we’re talking about things such as when this guy, he went to University for five years and when he came to graduation, the graduation ceremony, his father was like yeah, yeah absolutely. I’m going to go. I’m going to show up to your graduation.

And I couldn’t fucking believe it when I found out that his father didn’t show up to the graduation. It was like, you know what? I can’t make it. Two weeks before the graduation. Didn’t show up. Didn’t show up to this guy’s graduation. Interesting and then about a month or two later, his father went down, bought a car off the Internet, picked it up and drove it back home. It was like, interesting how he actually came all the way down for a fucking car, but couldn’t come down for your graduation.

And then the same guy went to aviation school to fly planes. Five years of University, Bachelor of Science. Went to aviation school for five years. Was doing the health and fitness thing. I couldn’t fucking believe this story. Doing the health and fitness thing on the side. Doing his flight training. Paid for everything himself. And his father again wasn’t very supportive of that. And then when he finally competed as a fitness model competitor, never actually said anything to his dad, his father about coming first in the fitness model competition. Nothing at all. Nothing was said.

In fact, the same guy is off to the World titles, to compete at the international level as a fitness model competitor and the National titles in October in Australia and his father doesn’t even know about that because he knows exactly how his father is going to respond, which is, hmm that’s interesting. Why are you doing that? Seriously, that’s the kind of response that he gets from his father.

And when he says hey … Okay, this is real people by the way. He says, You know what? I’ve just launched all these courses online and I have over 800 people enrolled and I’m helping people lose weight and lose fat and transform their body. Do you want to go and check it out? And he doesn’t get no fucking response via text message. Nothing. No response whatsoever. And then asks again via text message, hey can you check out this course because I’ve got now over 1,000 people enrolled. I’m actually helping people transform their bodies. Check it out. And eventually I’m going to leave my corporate job, this is what he said, I’m going to leave my corporate job and I’m going to serve people full time. No fucking response.

Interesting because that person is me. That’s my father and I’m the kid at 31 years of age. A father that has not supported me for pretty much as long as I can remember. Has been toxic. By the way, great man and supportive in some aspects of life, like as in he got me through a very difficult, challenging point of my upbringing from up to when I was 15 or 16, or basically when I moved out of home when I was 18. And then from 18 onwards I was on my own.

Going to University. Five years of Uni, graduated, he never showed up. Went to flight school five years. Yeah, interesting conversations, but wasn’t astounded by my success. And then I went on to transform my body. Before I started doing competitions and was like oh, I think you’re overdoing it. Seriously. That’s what he said, I think you’re overdoing it. I think you need to relax. I think you need to calm down.

I was like, Dad, you know what? I’ve transformed my body and now I’m helping other people. I have a website now, I blog. I do this, I do this. And hey, you know what Dad? I’ve got 14,000 people signed up in my courses and I’m helping a lot of people right now. I’m really, really … This is a lot of fun because I’m now getting emails from people like, I’ve lost five pounds, seven pounds. I’ve lost all this weight. You transformed my body. I’ve confidence. I’m now passionate about the fitness industry because of you, Brad. Thank you so much. Dad, I’m getting emails from people. This is really awesome. I’m getting really excited!

My dad’s like, so does that mean you’re going to leave your corporate job? I was like, yeah because it means I can serve more people. Imagine if I could, if I didn’t have to work the corporate job thing, I could do this full time. How fucking cool is that? I can serve more people and then I can bring in other aspects of my life. Like I do the flying thing and the scuba diving and whatever. And then my core is to do more courses, help more people, have greater impact. I’m like, Dad that’s fucking awesome.

And he goes, you have no idea how lucky you are. I was like, what? He was like, you have no idea how lucky you are to have a job like you have. Your corporate job. You have no idea how lucky you are to have a job like you have. To work for the government. I was like, you don’t get it. And so I went on about how I could help literally change the fucking world and be a big influence in the fitness industry on planet Earth. And the whole time in that conversation my dad was telling me about how terrible what I was doing was. And how I should just stick to fucking corporate job, by my corporate job. That’s the reality.

So it’s like, I said, okay Dad, all right. We never had an argument, we just haven’t spoken for about three months. So that my dad doesn’t know that I competed for the first time and I came first. He doesn’t know that I’m going to the World titles. He doesn’t know that I’m going to the Nationals. Because I know what he’s going to say. Brad, why are you doing all of that? Why? Why? You need to enjoy life. You need to relax. You need to calm down. You need to enjoy yourself. Brad, you need to have a balance in your life.

And so that’s why I haven’t mentioned it. And you know what? The truth is, it fucking hurts. It really does. It really does. I do wish that I had parents that were actually genuinely supportive of what I did and what I do. And that I have to do, I’m building a fucking empire where, like what you’re watching now, you’re going to look back on this after this massive empire and I’m fucking passionate about changing the world. Don’t you worry, because you’re watching me now for the first time. This won’t be the last time you see me. I’ve been cranking away, every single fucking day since June last year. I’ve already amassed now over 16,000 people. You wait. The empire’s slowly building and it’s just me.

But here’s the truth. I’m going to finish with this and then I’m going to go to bed. The truth is that if I’m building an empire, I can’t have toxic people around me. Because here is the dynamic. My dad would call me and this is the sad reality. I hate to say this, but I want to speak the truth right now. And I’m sure some of you out there watching or listening to this have gone through the same thing. That whenever I see my dad’s name on my phone, I think ugh, it’s my dad. That’s the initial reaction. And it’s always like, it’s going to be a fucking draining phone call. Because my dad is very … it’s like, okay … This is going to be really bad, but this is the truth.

Winnie the Pooh, I used to watch Winnie the Pooh. My dad’s like Eeyore. He’s like the donkey that’s really depressed. And I hate to say that and it hurts. It really does. It really does fucking hurt, but that’s the honest truth. We’re talking about a character in a cartoon that’s depressed, just has the life sucked out of them. And every time I’m on the phone to my father, I feel like, I actually feel like the energy is being drained out of my body. Like I actually feel like I need to take a fucking pre-workout before I speak to him. And I’ve got to get my self through the conversation. Because my dad is all about doom and gloom and I’m about changing the world. My dad’s about doom and gloom. The whole time. And how the government is this and the government’s that and the people are out to get you and you have to be careful. You have to be sceptical. You’ve got to be fearful. You’ve got to be this. You can’t trust anybody. You can’t trust anybody.

When you’re building an empire, you can’t have those kind of people around. If you’re wanting to transform your body, this is the punch line. If you want to transform your body, you have to assess the people around you who could be toxic to your success or your failure in that area of your life and it’s always downplayed. You must, must tonight, tonight you must assess the people that you surround yourself with. Because they’re going to make or break. They are going to make or break your success in any weight loss programme, could be the best fucking programme on planet Earth. It could be one of my programmes. It could be fucking Michele Bridge’s programme. It could be The Rock’s programme. It could be some celebrity programme. It doesn’t matter. If you have peers around you that are saying things like, have one more piece of chocolate, have only one glass of wine, do you want to go out for one night of drinks? It’s only one night of drinks. You’ve been working the whole week so hard. It’s only one night. They’re the people you don’t want to be around. That’s the honest truth. That’s the fucking honest truth.

And so if I’m building an empire, in my case, building a massive business, because I have big aspirations for this business and this brand that I’m building right now. I can’t have somebody come along and take the bricks down one by one, if I’m trying to stack the bricks up. If that makes sense. I’m trying to build a fucking empire and someone’s coming along and trying to loosen the foundations. I can’t have those people around. You’re either on my team or you’re not on my team. You’re either injecting positivity into what I’m doing, or you’re out. You’re out. And I love you and I respect you. This is the truth. I love you and I respect you, but I can’t have you around right now.

You need to take that negative bullshit away. Take it away. You need to take your subtle, very very subtle remarks about what I’m doing with my health and fitness, you need to stop that. I’m going to go over here. I’m going to … My YouTuber friend, my aspiring You Tuber friend, she needs to do this thing without her parents knowing about it. She needs to do that. She still lives at home with her parents. That’s a challenge. So you need to work with the situation of living with your parents. You need to do it without their knowledge, otherwise you’re going to fucking regret it. That’s what’s going to happen.

So, that’s all I have to say. It’s been thirty minutes. But I hope you’ve gotten some value. It’s been super harsh. It really has been. You’ll find this. When you transform your body, when you transform your physique, that you’re going to attract a different crowd of people into your life. I’ve lost friends from my transformation. I actually do not speak to a lot of people now that I used to hang around with when I was out of shape and miserable. Because we used to reinforce each other. We used to sit down fucking eating pizza together. And we’re like nom nom nom, eating pizza together and it’s like I want to fucking transform my body. I don’t want to. And so, it’s like, well you just can’t hang around those people anymore. And it’s fucking sad. It really is.

And unfortunately most people, most people watching this or listening to this will never make the changes necessary because of those kinds of influences. You must, must look at the person or people closest to you and ask yourself one very specific, direct question which is, is this person serving me or are they toxifying me? Are they a toxin to my success? In my business? In my health and fitness? In my career aspirations? Are they saying things that are so fucking subtle that’s stopping me ultimately because I want their approval so badly?

So you need to look at that very closely and then I’m going to end this up right now. So thank you so much for tuning in. Again, I make no apologies. It’s harsh, but you need to hear the truth. And if you have any questions, please reach out to me, brad@seekfitlife.com. It is quarter past midnight, Monday. Easter Monday, right? So thanks so much for tuning in for watching, for listening to me. Please subscribe to this podcast if you found it valuable and I’ll certainly provide more valuable content over the coming years. I’m here for the long term. If you’re watching this now on YouTube, please subscribe to this channel and you’ll get again, videos released on a daily basis. I love doing this. All the health, fitness, weight loss, psychology, body transformation, my personal contest prep journey, everything. Everything. Everything. I leave nothing out.

So you’ll get my full journey on my health and fitness transformation for the competitions that I’m doing. I blog all of that stuff and put it up on YouTube. So subscribe if you want those updates. Again, thank you. Have an awesome night. Take this exercise very seriously because if you don’t, you’re going to fucking regret it. You’re going to regret it and I don’t want you to do that.

So thanks again. Have an awesome night or evening or morning and I’ll speak to you very soon

 

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