I am not a writer. I’m a fitness vlogger that is passionate about many things, including fitness. But I want to take some time to share with the world what it’s like to jump into the dating scene as a fitness model competitor.
By the way, I have only done one fitness model competition and was hooked by the experience of achieving first place. I immediately signed up for the opportunity to travel overseas to do the World Titles in June 2017, and every other competition between now and then.
But the buzz for stepping on the stage is beginning to wear off.
I decided to put myself into the dating world several weeks ago. I’ve been single for a couple of years now. And I did toy with the idea of deferring dating until after the World Titles in June.
But I couldn’t wait.
I wanted to taste dating during contest prep.
And while I love training and pushing myself to the limits to be the best I can on stage, the resentment from non-competing girls in the dating world is having me question my own ambition.
There was one girl that I met in March and we seemed to hit it off from the very beginning. Everything gelled. No awkward silences or empty air time. No quick glimpses of the wall clock or looking for a scapegoat to prematurely abandon the date.
We just worked. It felt like a childhood friend. We vibed each other. Mutual interests, direction, and passions in life. It all seemed serendipitous.
But after almost 4 weeks and riding a cloud with this girl, it all came tumbling down. Fast!
She slammed on the brakes with “emotionally” vacant text messages and then, the inevitable followed: “Brad, I need to be honest with you…”
After telling me that she didn’t feel a strong attraction to me anymore and needed “time” to think about her feelings, I started to assess the connection I thought we had. She needed time to herself while saying, “you deserve better, Brad.” A phrase that not even a simple Google search could decipher. Thanks, Google!
After several days of silence, she reached out to me but completely left field. Despite being about 10 days from stepping on the stage, she had told me that I am “a little” self absorbed.
And although we have only been on 4 dates, with daily messaging from the time we both swiped right, I feel deep down that she only knows me as a fitness model competitor. A sport which is largely perceived as one full of egocentric and narcissistic people that stare at their own reflection for hours on end. Sure, some do that. But many competitors are just ordinary people with families, loving husbands and live their day-to-day working corporate jobs.
And besides, having some vanity is essential for your own mental health. Let’s be honest. Instagram didn’t become a billion dollar enterprise by mistake. Those millions of selfies which are posted to the social media site with 17 filters layered over them, only plays to the vanity of humans that is also the root of our own resentment.
I see why she has such perception of me in this sport. But I know in my heart, that I am not the perception she has of me.
My life is premised on the challenge of studying a 5 year science degree, and graduating. Doing my flight training and becoming a pilot. Getting certified as a scuba diver. And challenging myself as an adventure seeker by climbing mountains.
Fitness model competitions is another personal challenge. I don’t believe I’m better than whoever might be reading this. I am just a normal guy that is incredibly driven.
I don’t judge people. You do your thing and I do mine. As long as you’re happy, right?
But after speaking to my coach this morning about the dating dynamics and contest prep, it has become clear of the negative stigma associated with this sport.
My female coach had competed for 5 years and was the cover of a fitness magazine. She received the same negative criticisms from her friends and then-boyfriend, who was also a competitor! “You’re self absorbed,” “It’s all about you.” And so on.
It casts a challenge over dating. Because the non-competing female race don’t perceive me as how I perceive myself: dedicated, passionate, goal-driven.
So I sit in this cafe drinking a latte, having just finished a giant stack of protein pancakes at the request of my competition coach. This excursion to eat pancakes or something outside of the meal plan is her best efforts to restore the physical and mental stress I’ve been going through preparing for this competition.
I feel unmotivated right now. The girl has really thrown me off kilter. I feel like I have a drive in life like a tornado. But, in the quest for acceptance in the dating scene among the female population, I might start subconciously sabotaging my progress.
So this is the truth. This is how I feel.
Dating and contest prep do not mix very well. And unfortunately, are a toxic cocktail. I don’t have a solution yet.
I just need to maintain good self awareness of these dynamics over the next few weeks and learn from it.
I step on the stage in 8 days from now.
I am also seeing this girl in a few hours from now to talk about things.